Living in fear means being disconnected from your heart, your source, and your true self. Fear can manifest as anxiety, anger, depression, and insomnia, to name a few. It can make your mind race and make you wilt. Though it may seem difficult in the middle of a fearful moment to see the way out, you don’t have to stay there. There is a pathway out of fear, and I believe it goes through your heart.
After my trauma and childhood, I lived in a constant state of fear. It became second nature for me to live this way. I had difficulty sleeping. I had anxiety. I always felt shut down. Though it manifested as a diagnosis of P.T.S.D., it felt much different than that. It felt like I had a fear blob sitting all around me. I couldn’t do anything.
I tried to cure these symptoms for a long time by using tools that worked from the outside in, like analyzing my triggers, trying grounding techniques, and going to talk therapy. In the end, going right into my heart healed me, which I had felt calling out to me underneath all the fear. Trusting my heart, going within, and having help from tools like Reiki, mind-body movement (such as yoga), prayer, and of course, my experience of God and of love, all led me out of fear. I still have fear from time to time, but never as badly as I did before I started truly healing from the inside out.
If you are feeling stuck in fear, I wish you the courage to hear what your heart is telling you. I believe you can find your way out. I believe that you were born to live in love and not in fear. You were born to feel happy, joyful, and free. God created you. God loves you. God wants you to be happy. Give yourself time, be patient with yourself, and trust your heart.
It takes practice to trust your inner guidance. From the time we were young, we were told to trust the outer world over our own instincts. Being asked to do things we didn’t want to do, being pressured to conform to a world that was often out of line with our own truths, we lost ourselves. Yet that inner guidance is always there. It may be a muscle out of shape, but you can still uncover it and learn to rely on it.
When you get still, you will be able to hear your inner guidance. Practice centering yourself in stillness and bring your awareness to your heart. It will guide you. You may also practice automatic writing. You may also pray. But mostly, you must get still. Then, once you hear your inner guidance –listen to it! What is your first instinct? Go with that. Before any learned thought patterns or reactions come through.
Your inner guidance is your homing mechanism that comes from God. It may seem far from your daily world. It may be asking you to let certain people go. It may be asking you to do something that seems different from what you’re used to, but if it’s your true inner guidance, it will be easy to follow – “my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” It will bring you to a place of greater peace. Following your inner guidance leads you to love.
When I woke up this morning, I had my mind set on writing today’s blog about prayer. And of course, today presented me with a thousand reasons to pray. And of course, I often forgot to pray. I wondered to myself, “how can I write a blog about prayer when I can’t even remember to pray myself!” Like everything, it’s a work in progress (as am I).
Several years ago, I had a very powerful dream about prayer. In this dream, I was surrounded by angry people. They were getting angrier and angrier, yelling and scowling. Somehow amidst this furor I remembered to start praying. I started saying the first prayer that popped into my mind, the Our Father. As I prayed, I began rising. I rose and rose until I lifted up into the clouds and was in the end surrounded by happy people hugging me and smiling. It was an affecting dream that I remember vividly to this day.
Though it was just a dream, it was a parallel for my real life. My prayer saved me from the negativity I had been bombarded with. It’s during times like these, when we are confronted with that which we are not, that prayer is so important. Prayer connects us to our hearts and to the heart of God. It reminds us of who we are and why we are here.
I find prayer especially important during times when I’ve lost my way. When I’m surrounded by sadness, depression, or difficulty, prayer rings out like a bell leading me back home. Some of my favorite prayers are simple, and many of them are made up. I will say something along the lines of “thank you God for being with me,” or whatever feels right in my heart. I also like to pray for others by sending them love and saying simple prayers for them.
I love prayer because it is a simple and effective way of lifting back into God’s love. Prayer can open your heart and your life.