I am Not my Body

Well, here I am. I am sorry for being so out of touch for the past week. After some prayer and contemplation I decided to begin blogging once a week while I focus on writing my book and studying for the GREs. I was planning to blog weekly on Wednesdays, which would have been yesterday. However, I ended up in the hospital, where I’m writing to you now. “Heal with Rebecca” indeed!

While I have navigated psychological recovery very deeply, I haven’t had very extreme physical illnesses. The physical ailments I suffered from in my early twenties were, I believe, deeply related to my psychological and energetic state, and I was able to heal them with nutrition, meditation, and alternative healing modalities. Primarily, I used to have uterine and pelvic pain that a doctor told me may be endometriosis. Around that time I started studying Reiki in-depth and deep healing my childhood traumas, and the pain resolved quite quickly. Similarly, I’ve periodically had ocular migraines, which always come on when I’m feeling ungrounded and out of touch with myself. I am usually able to breathe these away with stillness and meditation. 

These kind of practices were radically transformative for me, having been raised in a very medical household where I had easy access to medicine and doctors. I’ve reached a beautiful midpoint between the two worlds, where I am able to appreciate the value of both. I have come to believe many if not most of my health issues had their roots in my spiritual state. At the same time, I’ve learned to see that western medicine is very useful and even beautiful when it is needed. I’m amazed when I think of the years of research that scientists and doctors have conducted while searching for cures for the most difficult illnesses.

That brings me to yesterday, when I ended up in the Emergency Room for spreading numbness in my limbs. Having developed a close relationship with my body over the years, this numbness really took me by surprise. I am used to being able to breathe, meditate, or use healing foods to help my sicknesses and ailments go away, and this was not doing that! The numbness began in my arm on Monday, spreading to my feet and my other arm by Wednesday. No pain, just numbness. Tingling, limbs falling asleep, numbness.

Of course, this is a strange feeling, and reading the internet and talking to doctors can make things seem quite dire. What if the numbness continues to spread? What if I do have a suspected Guillain-Barre Syndrome? Guillain-Barre can be extremely debilitating, possibly requiring a breathing machine as your nerves stop working and paralyze your whole body. Thankfully, it’s temporary, but imagining going through that process is terrifying. 

I came to some peaceful realizations that helped me a lot yesterday as I faced these fears. I was reminded that I have a body, I am not my body. That thought helped me a ton. I believe that my soul lives forever, so even if my body fails me or does some things that are unexpected, my soul is still just fine. I also remembered that God is in charge, and I did some strong, big prayers to God, Jesus, and the angels, and felt very held and loved. And of course, I reached out for prayers from family and friends. Hearing from friends and family thinking of me and praying for me helped me feel so much better.

We’ll see what happens over the next few days. I’ll keep you posted on the blog when I am able to. Maybe it will all resolve and I’ll be back at work on Monday, or maybe it’s a dire situation. Either way, I’m very grateful to have a caring medical staff here at the hospital, a loving God holding me, and the beautiful love of friends and family.

Keeping a Clear Connection

Finding and keeping a clear connection to God and your heart is such a huge part of living an awakened life. Having a clear connection means you are able to feel and sense your heart and God. Just like we get dirty from living our lives and have to bathe, our spiritual connection needs to be maintained if we are to live lives that are whole. 

There have been times in my life when I thought God had left me, especially after my beautiful experience. When I had to learn to life in the world again, it felt like God and my angels took a step back to help me learn to stand on my own two feet. I used to cry and feel completely abandoned. But I’ve learned that God never leaves any of us. God is always in our hearts- always. It took a long time for me to really learn that, and I still work on it. 

Since God never leaves any of us and is always in your heart, if you feel disconnected, take some time to use your tools to reconnect and feel God’s love. Some ways that have helped me maintain a clear connection to spirit include prayer, meditation, clean eating (and sometimes fasting), being in nature, mind-body movement (like yoga), and writing. I can tell my connection is clear because I am able to get centered and feel my heart more easily. 

What are your favorite ways to stay connected? 

Trusting your Heart

“If I don’t go within, I go without.” – Neale Donald Walsch

I’ve written about this before, but I return to it because it’s so important. Trusting your heart is always a great choice, whether in calm or stressful times. When you aren’t sure which way to go, or what to do, get still and listen to your heart. Your heart can see from above because it is connected to God. You will know your heart’s voice because it arises from that still place. It may be hard to ignore. Your heart’s wishes will arise again and again in your life in your quietest moments.

The voice of my heart became very strong the few years after my experience. I felt a very clear inner calling to make some serious changes in my life. To an outside observer, these choices may have seemed strange. I ended a relationship that was perfectly fine by all surface accounts but was not truly right for me. I went home from the city to stay near my family. I also felt very guided to make certain decisions, like where to study and what not to write a book about. Every time I followed my heart urgings, I was led to greater and greener pastures. When I didn’t honor what my heart was telling me, I created less beautiful realities that sometimes caused me suffering. 

Get still and go within. What is it that your heart telling you? Your heart will lead you in the right direction. You can listen to it. Trust yourself. You are a beautiful person created by God. Trust that you are being guided by something greater. Take the first step.

The Next Step

In tragedy or in triumph, whether you’re building something beautiful or repairing something broken, often all we need to do is to take the next step. When I’ve been in very difficult situations and very lost, it was easy to see a big world in front of me, become overwhelmed, and just shut down. Conversely, when I’m working towards making something I care about, I can get ahead of myself, become anxious, and also shut down. 

The next step is right in front of you. Don’t make a situation more daunting than it needs to be. Just take the next step, whatever it may be. Hopefully, it will be easy for you to discern what the next step is, for whatever is occupying your mind and energies. If not, as always, get still and quiet, then listen to what arises from within. Once you know what that step is, call on your resources, support system, angels, and everything you may need to help you. Then go for it. 

Taking the next step in front of you is a way of keeping your mind on your present situation, rather than on an ambiguous and amorphous future. You don’t need to get overwhelmed. Stay right here, with your feet on the ground. Figure out what your next, reasonable, doable step is, and take it.