Living in fear means being disconnected from your heart, your source, and your true self. Fear can manifest as anxiety, anger, depression, and insomnia, to name a few. It can make your mind race and make you wilt. Though it may seem difficult in the middle of a fearful moment to see the way out, you don’t have to stay there. There is a pathway out of fear, and I believe it goes through your heart.
After my trauma and childhood, I lived in a constant state of fear. It became second nature for me to live this way. I had difficulty sleeping. I had anxiety. I always felt shut down. Though it manifested as a diagnosis of P.T.S.D., it felt much different than that. It felt like I had a fear blob sitting all around me. I couldn’t do anything.
I tried to cure these symptoms for a long time by using tools that worked from the outside in, like analyzing my triggers, trying grounding techniques, and going to talk therapy. In the end, going right into my heart healed me, which I had felt calling out to me underneath all the fear. Trusting my heart, going within, and having help from tools like Reiki, mind-body movement (such as yoga), prayer, and of course, my experience of God and of love, all led me out of fear. I still have fear from time to time, but never as badly as I did before I started truly healing from the inside out.
If you are feeling stuck in fear, I wish you the courage to hear what your heart is telling you. I believe you can find your way out. I believe that you were born to live in love and not in fear. You were born to feel happy, joyful, and free. God created you. God loves you. God wants you to be happy. Give yourself time, be patient with yourself, and trust your heart.
How do God and Religion go together? After my experience, that question came to the forefront of my mind very regularly. It still does. Having come from a mixed religious family and having a love of many religions, I’ve often struggled to make my experience make sense in a strictly religious way. I will say, many parts of the Bible made much, much more sense to me after my experience. But the prescribed ways of being in all the traditions to which I’d been exposed couldn’t encapsulate the beauty I saw in my experience.
As I wrote in my bio, my father is Jewish, and my mother is Christian. Having been raised Jewish, I had a Bat Mitzvah at 13, and went Synagogue my whole life. My mother, who had converted to Judaism for my father, returned to Christianity when my parents divorced in my early 20s. I followed my mom back to church when I was 23 and loved it, and was baptized at 25. I taught Sunday School in a Methodist and an Episcopal church, experiences I loved dearly (especially the kids). I’ve learned so much from both of these powerful faith traditions, and I love them sincerely.
And yet, there’s a point where they fall short for me, now, especially since my experience. My experience taught me that God is in everything, not just in one place. God is in everyone, not just one person. I don’t say that because I read about it, I say that because I saw and felt it in my moments of union with the Divine and in the weeks and months thereafter. That being said, I still love to participate in religion. I think it’s excellent if you do too, especially if it helps us to celebrate differences in a positive way instead of being divided. Especially if it is a spiritual home for you where you can connect with like-minded people. Especially if it is a place where you feel safe and accepted. Especially if it is a place that helps you feel more connected to God.
Whatever you do, and wherever you worship, I hope you know that God is with you, always, and that God is love. That’s my two cents, anyways! Have a great day!
Keeping the faith in times of darkness, sadness, or confusion, can seem impossible, but it is doable. Stay strong and grounded in the hope of things to come – truly, things that are already so, but hard to discern on the earthly plane. When we are able to center ourselves in our spiritual reality, we can experience heaven on earth in this moment. Despite any appearances to the contrary, God is in everything.
During my experience with God, which you can read about more here, I felt true peace in a way I had not thought possible beforehand. I experienced so much beauty, light, and joy by connecting to God that I became seriously sad and depressed when I looked out into the world after my experience. I didn’t want to stay here. How could God be so beautiful, and our world be so full of pain, hardship, inequality, and strife? It’s something I still struggle with if I think too much about it.
I’ve learned to reconcile it somewhat by spending time each day connecting to God in whatever way works for me – usually this is prayer, meditation, writing, and spending time with my family. Even though our world is not perfect, we can help anchor God’s light here more each day by being love. I know it might sound cheesy, but that’s the place I came to after my experience and trying to live in the regular world. If I could share some of that peace and joy each day, with myself and with others, then maybe it could grow and eventually, hopefully, our earth could start to reflect all of that peace, love, and happiness.
Keep the faith. Know that God loves you and is with you.