During and immediately after my experience of God, I felt pure bliss, joy, peace, and love. It was like being connected back to my true self, the one I’d only dared to hope was real, but generally didn’t believe in. However, living after that experience was much more difficult than I expected. Even though I had felt God’s true peace, I really had to work to see it in my life and in the world around me. It was, and still is sometimes, surprisingly disappointing. And yet, overall, knowing God exists is probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life. It’s completely changed my outlook on everything, and allowed me to find peace when I didn’t think peace would ever be possible.
When I went through my trauma and the years after, I felt completely alone and hopeless. I didn’t even know hope existed. I was lost. I covered it up pretty well, but a big part of me was living in a very sad, disconnected, and terrible place. After a while, I got used to it and stopped noticing how sad I was. I didn’t even think to hope that there could be more. I had given up.
My breakdowns during and after college forced me to remember a part of myself that I had been hiding. Only then did I remember I had a heart. My first healer truly helped me to return to my heart by seeing the person I had buried within all those many years ago. From there I kept working and healing to try to feel my heart, which eventually led me to God.
Having had this experience of God, I truly feel there is a reason to live. I know we are here to live out a spiritual reality, and that our bodies are the tools by which we do this. I believe this whole world is a physical emanation of God. Living closer to God makes the world closer to God’s world. And I’ve even come to believe that my trauma happened for a reason, even though at the time it was the worst feeling in the world. Without it I don’t think I would have been able to have the beautiful experience of God that I did. It was also worth it because I am able to share and help others heal as well.
Now, when I get sad or feel lost, I believe God is still with me, and I don’t feel so alone. Believing in God has shifted and changed my life in more ways than I can imagine, and I’m so grateful.