Thank you so much to those of who were following along on my journey in the hospital last week. I was admitted for three days and given all sorts of tests which came up clear, which was great news. They released me to the care of my primary care physician and a neurologist. So far most possibilities have been ruled out, but the numbness in my arm and my legs persists.
In the end, the doctor asked me if I was experiencing anxiety or depression. I realized that while I became pretty good at taking care of myself before I had a family, becoming a mom, getting married, and working have really put my own well-being on the back burner. Maybe I wasn’t monitoring myself as much as I needed to be. Or maybe there is an underlying physical cause for this strange numbness.
Either way, I’m going to work on paying more attention to my heart, something I’ve done a lot of in my life but could always use more practice with. It’s easy for me to overthink and approach life through my mind only, especially when I’m stressed or I’m down about the state of the world. It takes time and awareness to remain centered in one’s heart, but it doesn’t have to be hard. It’s a muscle that strengthens with time and attention.
I have my follow-up appointment this morning, and we’ll see what they say. This weekend I’m also going to my acupuncturist whom I haven’t seen in a long time. I’ll be interested to hear what he thinks!
I’ll keep you posted. Hope you have a beautiful day!
Well, here I am. I am sorry for being so out of touch for the past week. After some prayer and contemplation I decided to begin blogging once a week while I focus on writing my book and studying for the GREs. I was planning to blog weekly on Wednesdays, which would have been yesterday. However, I ended up in the hospital, where I’m writing to you now. “Heal with Rebecca” indeed!
While I have navigated psychological recovery very deeply, I haven’t had very extreme physical illnesses. The physical ailments I suffered from in my early twenties were, I believe, deeply related to my psychological and energetic state, and I was able to heal them with nutrition, meditation, and alternative healing modalities. Primarily, I used to have uterine and pelvic pain that a doctor told me may be endometriosis. Around that time I started studying Reiki in-depth and deep healing my childhood traumas, and the pain resolved quite quickly. Similarly, I’ve periodically had ocular migraines, which always come on when I’m feeling ungrounded and out of touch with myself. I am usually able to breathe these away with stillness and meditation.
These kind of practices were radically transformative for me, having been raised in a very medical household where I had easy access to medicine and doctors. I’ve reached a beautiful midpoint between the two worlds, where I am able to appreciate the value of both. I have come to believe many if not most of my health issues had their roots in my spiritual state. At the same time, I’ve learned to see that western medicine is very useful and even beautiful when it is needed. I’m amazed when I think of the years of research that scientists and doctors have conducted while searching for cures for the most difficult illnesses.
That brings me to yesterday, when I ended up in the Emergency Room for spreading numbness in my limbs. Having developed a close relationship with my body over the years, this numbness really took me by surprise. I am used to being able to breathe, meditate, or use healing foods to help my sicknesses and ailments go away, and this was not doing that! The numbness began in my arm on Monday, spreading to my feet and my other arm by Wednesday. No pain, just numbness. Tingling, limbs falling asleep, numbness.
Of course, this is a strange feeling, and reading the internet and talking to doctors can make things seem quite dire. What if the numbness continues to spread? What if I do have a suspected Guillain-Barre Syndrome? Guillain-Barre can be extremely debilitating, possibly requiring a breathing machine as your nerves stop working and paralyze your whole body. Thankfully, it’s temporary, but imagining going through that process is terrifying.
I came to some peaceful realizations that helped me a lot yesterday as I faced these fears. I was reminded that I have a body, I am not my body. That thought helped me a ton. I believe that my soul lives forever, so even if my body fails me or does some things that are unexpected, my soul is still just fine. I also remembered that God is in charge, and I did some strong, big prayers to God, Jesus, and the angels, and felt very held and loved. And of course, I reached out for prayers from family and friends. Hearing from friends and family thinking of me and praying for me helped me feel so much better.
We’ll see what happens over the next few days. I’ll keep you posted on the blog when I am able to. Maybe it will all resolve and I’ll be back at work on Monday, or maybe it’s a dire situation. Either way, I’m very grateful to have a caring medical staff here at the hospital, a loving God holding me, and the beautiful love of friends and family.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
It can be hard to see the big picture when life is happening. When I look back on my life up to this point, many things I couldn’t understand make so much more sense with the perspective of time and distance. I’ve heard that everything that’s happening is perfect, and that is comforting, but it can be challenging to know that in the present sometimes. It helps to get still and get in touch with God. It helps to remember that we are all being guided and that we are each of us so loved.
Sending you strength and hope today if you need it!
It can be hard to wait for things to come to fruition after working hard for them. It’s not always easy to see how or if your dreams are coming true. I believe that there is a greater plan at work that we can’t always perceive with our human senses. Be patient and keep swimming. If you’ve done your part, the seeds will begin to grow. You can’t always see the heights they will grow to when they have just begun to sprout. Be patient and steadfast.
For today’s blog, I wanted to share a valuable tool I have been pondering since I read Conversations with God, Book 4. In this book, the author Neale Donald Walsch shares sixteen ways in which awakened species live out their lives, in contrast to how typical human beings live on Earth. I’ve found these sixteen points on the list to be very helpful and even fun to think about and practice implementing in my own life. I also believe that more people living this way would change our world completely. Here they are!
An awakened species sees the Unity of All Life and lives into it. Humans in an unawakened state often deny it or ignore it.
An awakened species tells the truth, always. Humans in an unawakened state often lie, to themselves as well as to others.
An awakened species says one thing and will do what they say. Humans in an unawakened state often say one thing and do another.
An awakened species, having seen and acknowledged what is so, will always do what works. Humans in an unawakened state often do the opposite.
An awakened species does not embrace a principle in its civilization that correlates with the concepts that humans refer to as “justice” or “punishment.”
An awakened species does not embrace a principle in its civilization that correlates with the concept that humans refer to as “insufficiency.”
An awakened species does not embrace a principle in its civilization that correlates with the concept that humans refer to as “ownership.”
An awakened species shares everything with everyone all the time. Humans in an unawakened state often do not, only sharing with others in limited circumstances.
An awakened species creates a balance between technology and cosmology; between machines and nature. Humans in an unawakened state often do not.
An awakened species would never under any circumstances terminate the physical expression of another sentient being unless asked directly by that other being to do so. Humans in an unawakened state often kill other humans without that other human requesting them to.
An awakened species would never do anything that could potentially damage or harm the physical environment that supports the members of the species when they are physicalized. Humans in an unawakened state often do so.
An awakened species never poisons itself. Humans in an unawakened state often do so.
An awakened species never competes. Humans in an unawakened state are often in competition with each other.
An awakened species is clear that it needs nothing. Humans in an unawakened state often create a need-based experience.
An awakened species experiences and expresses unconditional love for everyone. Humans in an unawakened state often cannot imagine a deity who does this, much less do it for themselves.
An awakened species has harnessed the power of metaphysics. Humans in an unawakened state often largely ignore it.
There you go! There is a lot to unpack in each of these statements. In the book he goes more in-depth about how to practice living these statements out. If it sounds fun to you, try choosing one of these on the list and spend a week or just a few days implementing it into your daily life. I’ve really been thinking about “sharing everything with everyone.” It seems extreme but isn’t that what Jesus taught as well? Just imagine how much our world would change for the better if we all started doing these, all the time. Or even just a little bit of the time. I have to believe we can.
Have a great day and weekend! Happy Friday!
(Disclaimer: If the concept of other species and awakened species in other physical parts of the universe is too out there, I totally understand. It might help to get the whole book and read it.)
When I first had my experience of God, I truly believed I was going crazy. I was not raised to believe that another side of life existed and was ready to check myself into the hospital. But several things gave me pause. One, my experience was beautiful, and it made me feel very joyful and very peaceful. Two, I met and talked with people who were conversant in the spiritual world and found it completely ordinary that something like that would happen to a person.
It became more and more okay for me to accept the reality of a spiritual world as I accepted my experience. The bigger work was learning that the spiritual world was not more important than the physical world, but equally so. We are here in the physical world to live out our lives on the earth. Guidance from the spiritual world makes that process more joyful and much easier.
Though I don’t personally know how to sail, I’ve been on a sailboat fairly recently with my daughter when we visited the beach. It was really beautiful to see the captain work gently with the elements, positioning the boat to let the sails catch the wind and propel us forward. It was truly the work of a very patient expert. So it is with life, where you are the boat and God is the wind. When you discern in your heart the correct way to go, position yourself by letting go of harmful thoughts and preconceived notions of what your life should look like, and get ready to move forward with God’s help. God’s breath will take you there.