I’m getting this out to you a little late today because my daughter woke up way too early, right when I was starting to write. Thanks for your patience on this holiday weekend. Today I wanted to share about my story- how I’ve lived it, learned from it, and also how I’m able to let it go.
When I was thirteen I was raped by a group of four older boys while many onlookers watched. I believe I was drugged because I don’t remember how I got there. I spent years denying this trauma until I could no longer ignore it. I had several breakdowns and became suicidal in my early twenties. I then spent years talking about it, going to therapy, writing about it, and dealing with it. In order to heal, I had to go deep into my story.
Now, at this age, with so much time passed and healing undertaken, I’ve gotten to the point in my personal process where I feel willing to release this story. Sometimes, I’m not sure how that happened. I reached a place of peace in my heart and with God. I had a lot of support from friends and family. I don’t consider myself only a rape survivor. I am many other things too- a person, a mom, a human with a heart, a reader, a writer, a healer. I went through something that changed me. I went through something that taught me a lot and thankfully, eventually, brought me to a very beautiful spiritual path.
This past weekend we talked a lot about letting go of your story. Stories can be so meaningful and important, but they can hold you back if you are clinging to a limited version of your story. Instead of letting my story limit me, I tell myself the story of how I healed. I tell myself the story of how I learned about compassion. I tell myself the story of seeing the light in myself and in others. I tell myself the story of finding many blessings in the pain.
Love your story, hold it, then release it (if and when it feels right for you).