When I had been in therapy for a long time, one of my therapists told me, “Rebecca, look, you really don’t have that many problems, but you think you do, and well – that’s your problem!” This was an extremely gifted therapist who worked with some of the most difficult cases of trauma. Even though I was surprised when she said that to me, I kind of mark that as the day I graduated from therapy.
I had to accept that I was ok. That was it! Why had that been so hard? Because I’d been given many messages over the years that I was not ok, from my parents, to the people who had harmed me, to others around me, until I internalized them and believed them – I had been told I was ugly, disgusting, brain-damaged. To heal, I had to begin to believe a new story about myself, a new truth – that I was beautiful, loving, intelligent.
Saying mantras and positive messages helped, and I continue to say them to this day. Meeting people who saw the good side in me also helped enormously. My Reiki teacher and my stepdad were the first people who saw me in a new light. They saw a version of me I could not see at the time, and it allowed me to grow into that. Most importantly, I had an experience of God that re-connected me to my truest self and allowed me to experience God’s love, and to know that I am totally loved and accepted.
I hope the messages I write today bring you love and healing. You are a beautiful, whole, kind person. You already are what you wish to be.