From Skepticism to Belief

One of the reasons why I’ve felt called to share my experiences is because I wanted to write about what it’s like to go from being a complete skeptic to believing in God. It wasn’t easy, and it took a lot for me to stop being judgmental towards a spiritual approach to life. Even though I rarely said it out loud, I was extremely mean towards people who expressed any kind of belief in or experience of an unseen world.

So, what changed? Well, it started to change when I began healing my heart in earnest. Recovering from a debilitating childhood trauma eventually brought me into learning about energy healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and finally to God. I did not believe in even the possibility of these things being real or helpful. I thought the people I met who talked about them were delusional. However, I’d exhausted the medical model of healing. I had been to therapy for over a decade, and had been on every kind of medication out there. I was still miserable. I still felt like my heart was hurting. I still had trouble sleeping. I still felt off-kilter.

I gave the other modalities a try. I met transformative healers and teachers who sat with me while I judged them and questioned them. I learned the importance of experiencing for myself. At age 24 I began studying Reiki and eventually became a Reiki Master Teacher, even though when I started learning about it I didn’t believe in it. When I first asked my teacher how she knew Reiki was real, she stated emphatically, “because I feel it!” I judged her (of course) at the time, but that became an important aspect of my exploring this world. How did I feel when I got a Reiki treatment? How did I feel when I studied Reiki? How did I feel when I changed how I ate? How did I feel when I engaged in mind-body practices? 

Ultimately, I became a believer because I wanted to heal. Healing eventually came to mean feeling my heart, which came to mean learning to feel love in my heart. Along the way I learned about things that seemed impossible. Those impossible things were meaningful and life-changing. When I learned to feel my heart, the whole world opened to me – including the unseen world, and including God.

Happy New Year! I wish you a beautiful 2019 filled with love!

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